A personal growth story in two parts

Eighteen months ago, I was introduced to Lola. She needed someone to provide some leadership, and I was there. I remember meeting her. It was a warm introduction. I could immediately see all the things others loved in her, and she felt my warmth and genuine acceptance.

She responded well and we connected beautifully. Everybody who saw us together thought so, and I was delighted that we had hit it off.

But then it came time to provide direction. For me to show some authority. I wobbled internally – I was pretty sure it was barely perceptible. But she sensed my hesitancy and self-doubt. She seemed to know that I didn’t believe I was up to the task.

I didn’t have a clue how to lead her.

She wasn't confident I knew where I was headed. In truth, I didn’t really know, and I didn’t trust myself to work it out. Our connection was slipping away. She knew I was a pushover.

She took a step forward. I retreated. It was hard to re-establish our partnership. Without authority, the trust I had built wasn’t worth much.

Luckily, walking alongside me was Stacey. She saw it all and coached me with wisdom and compassion. I learnt a lot about how I showed up and how my leadership needed to change....

Fast forward to today. I saw Lola again. Again, I had the opportunity to lead.

Today I greeted Lola with my signature warmth. I felt the familiar doubts creep in. My body tightened and I realised I was holding my breath.

I exhaled slowly. I focused on my breathing. I tried to remember everything I knew about leading confidently. I knew I had to have a clear purpose and intent. This time I led. She followed. I managed the direction and pace. As we progressed, I showed her I trusted her, giving her more freedom. I trusted myself. When I wobbled within, I just remembered to breathe.

She showed me I could lead. That I could balance warmth and authority. That I could have clear intent but change my mind along the way. That she could tolerate some ambiguity as long as I was steady.

She showed me how much I’ve grown.

Stacey was there again today. She still guided me gently. I was nowhere near the leader she is - but we both saw that something in me had changed since we’d last met, and she genuinely shared my joy.

My thanks to the incredibly gifted horsewoman Stacey, and my friends Clare Harding and Marylou Verberne at EQUIANO - Equine-assisted insights – what a wonderful development experience - and to Lola, the beautiful horse who taught me so much.